Deena

My blogger friend Deena is battling stage 4 breast cancer. She just posted pics of herself, bald. I admire her for having the strength and confidence to do so. Please stop by her blog, see the stunning beauty that she is and wish her well, perhaps, if you are so inclined, say a prayer for her...she is a lovely woman and the epitome of grace.

Deena...you are an inspiration to me, you made me cry tonight...thank you for helping me to feel.

Grace

grace:the definition

1. elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion or action
2. a pleasing or attractive quality or endowment
3. favour or good will
4. a manifestation of favour
5. mercy, clemency, pardon: an act of grace

MyTim

So, yesterday was the 26th of February. One year ago that day my Tim had his car accident. He was severely injured, breaking his neck and wrist and various other things. An angel was with him that night and saved his life. That angel brought him into my life, you see if Tim hadn't had that accident, he'd never have been online, he'd never have joined MySpace (which is where we met) and we'd never have met. Our worlds collided one magical day when angels brought us together and i've been thanking them, and God, for bringing him into my life.

Tim...i am so glad you survived your car accident and so blessed that you found me and we discovered our love for each other...here's to you, to us...may our love last forever and you always be safe.

Keeping in touch...

This post will be a short one, to let you all know i am still alive and kicking. I have a excruciatingly bad headache right now so do not want to be in front of my computer for too long. I just wanted to let you know, as it's been a few days since i posted.

Nothing new here on the home front or otherwise. I go for another scan on Thursday, that will go well i'm sure...and my doctor will have the results and see me the following week.

It is snowing here as i type this. I know some of you are over winter already but i'm loving it, it's so pretty...i just wish Tim were here so he could take me for a walk in it.

Speaking of Tim, we've been playing a new game on Pogo called Shuffle bump. It's a two player game (well duh!) that is kind of like shuffle board, fun! We of course still play chess and i have to tell you i win the odd game too. When i do i am positively as giddy as a school girl...well you would be too if you were me. I think we've played some three hundred games, of that i've won about 25 and we've drawn on about 30. Drawing frustrates me...sometimes i just can't close the deal when i have his king on the run. He is has been trying to teach me but i'm not a quick study, bless his heart, he is a patient man.

Well i am going to try to get to all of your blogs. I will be back soon. Hope i didn't bore you with the chess part, what can i say, it thrills me.

After my nap

I have finally dragged myself out of bed and i'm here, online..waiting for Tim. We will spend some time together playing games and talking...i can't wait for him to get here.

My head hurts...it has eased a bit but i'm still in pain. Being in pain scares me and i want to cry but i am really trying hard not to. It doesn't help and often just makes it worse.

Mother has been great. She has allowed me to sleep. I got her some lunch before i laid back down earlier. She just had a tea and sandwich, she hasn't much of an appetite right now. Thankfully curling was on and it's kept her entertained.

When i got out of bed i brushed my hair, got dressed...cleaned my face and brushed my teeth. I have been lax when it comes to doing that (the teeth bit) and so now they are bothering me and bleeding a lot when i do brush. Not something i'm proud to admit but i'll take care of it. I have to go to the dentist and have my teeth cleaned soon...now it will have to wait until my teeth are in better shape. I really am ashamed i've let them go...it's not like me, i used to be a fanatic about brushing, etc. Have any of you ever had problems with your teeth?

Friday morning

I woke up a little while ago with a very painful headache. My head is thumping and feels like it is going to explode...i just want to cry but crying makes it worse. I have taken some pain medication for it, just some over the counter stuff to start, to see if it will help without taking the major meds i have for pain, which tend to knock me out (which is often a good thing) but today i have things to do. It is Friday, time to do my list.

For all of my talking (complaining) i do about said list, it really isn't so bad. My sister chose small jobs ....the least i can do is do them....and so i will but later...for now i think i'll go back to bed. Mother is still asleep and it's quiet, so quiet...so off i go.

See you later....in less pain i pray.

I feel lazy

It is promising to be a relatively relaxing day. I don't have much to do today, unless i find something for myself.

I need to head to the grocery store....there are a few things that we need, that i forgot when i was there last night. Yes, that's right...i was there last night and got quite a bit but certainly not tons. My nephew drove me over and waited for me while i shopped. I tried to be quick but i do love to grocery shop....so today i have to head over again. I think i have to wait until my sister gets home though, which i really hate but mother is worried about being alone and having a panic attack.

Last night we had hamburgers and they were really yummy. Today i am making a hamburger stew. I was going to make a ham but my mother thought it might be a good idea to make the stew as it would be something easy my sister could chew since she is finally seeing the dentist today regarding her toothache. I just emailed her to see how she made out and i haven't heard back yet, hopefully she is doing okay.

Yesterday we had a visit from mothers new social worker. She was basically here to talk to us about mother going into a nursing home. She took some basic information from her and is going to mail out a package about homes available to mother then she will come back in two weeks to go over things. Going by what mother had to say to her, i'd say she has no plans on going into care but maybe she will change her mind. I want to gently sway her that way without her feeling unwanted...it's a fine line, i'll have to delicate.

Speaking of mother...she is happily watching The Price is Right. It's one of her favourite shows, another one being Wheel of Fortune. She is a fan of all game shows really and i confess to liking them too. We watched the show that was on the other night, i think it was called 'My Dad is Better Than Your Dad' or something like that. It was fun and seemed to keep mother interested.

Well i had better get going on the stew i am making...though i do just feel very lazy...i think it will be one of those days.

An award from Gabriel

I tried to post this earlier and had a lot of problems, let's hope it goes better this time.

I was given this award by Gabriel. I am honoured that he bestowed this upon my humble little blog. I thank you Gabriel for thinking of me...you've made a very special day even happier, thank you!

I am thankful...

I just got home a little while ago from my appointments. I called Tim the moment i could and now i'm bursting to share the news with you, my dear blog friends.

Saw my oncologist first. For some unexplained reason, my tumour has reduced in size by 25%. He had no medical explanation for it but said sometimes these things happen. I think it's all of the prayers and good vibes you've all been sending...that and the love of a good man, my Tim. The doctor does want me to go for another MRI but i am quite happy to do that, they will schedule me in and then call me. After they have the results of that they will see me again and plan what will happen next. I am so happy today, i'm positively giddy!

On another awesome note, my kidneys have returned to normal functionality and so the kidney doctor has okayed me resuming chemo if that is what my oncologist wishes. Hooray!

So i am home and happy as all get out. Tim is off to a medical appointment that he has this afternoon. I was going to go out to the UPS store today but i think i'll stay home and do it tomorrow. I am sending my laptop to Tim. His is old and i want him to have this one. All it does it sit on the floor collecting dust. I really thought i'd use it more but i don't....and i want him to have it. It really is better for me to get out of bed once in a while and so it really does me some good. I called the UPS store when i got home to get an idea of how much it will cost to ship. A small fortune with insurance but well worth it, especially since it will mean hours and hours of time spent with my guy, hopefully with less problems for him.

Well i think i'll stop by the Microsoft site, see if they can help solve a problem i'm having...or maybe i'll just stop into your blogs and see what you've been up to.

Today i am truly blessed.

Nerves getting the best of me...

I have two doctors appointments today. One with my oncologist, the other with the specialist regarding my kidneys. I am nervous about both.

I have been trying to keep myself busy since i woke up...showering, getting ready, talking with Tim, making mothers breakfast...but still the nerves persist. I just wish time would pass a little quicker, it seems to be dragging on and on. I have to leave in about twenty minutes now, thank goodness...wish me luck.

Mmmmm, dinner

Well i did end up going for groceries last night. Got lots of goodies, including some chips and ice cream, though i've not had any yet. The store was surprisingly busy, i've not seen it like that the few times i've shopped in the wee hours. Of course, i was the one with the biggest order. I spent a small fortune but got lots of yummy things.

I bought two small roasting chickens, which is what i am cooking for dinner. It's almost like Christmast dinner, mashed potatoes, stuffing, cranberries, peas, cauliflower and broccoli. Should be yummy and make mother happy, it's one of her favourite meals.

I took my list with me last night but i forgot to check it at the store...it was only when i got home that i realized the things i'd forgotten, one of them being tea bags....which are most important around here because my mother and sister drink a few cups a day....sooooo, off i went out this afternoon to my regular grocery store, to pick up the few things (and then some) that i'd forgotten. While there i picked up a couple of pork tenderloins..i will make them tomorrow for dinner...or maybe not till Tuesday...at least that's dinner planned out for the next couple of days, hooray. I don't know about you but it can be hard coming up with ideas for dinner.

So dinner is cooking now and it smells yummy....what are you having?

Late night grocery shopping

I have barely gotten out of bed today. I just have zero energy and feel so very tired. Add to that a very painful headache and you get me, a complete lazy bones today.

For the most part, mother has been understanding...as understanding as she will allow herself to be. We had a bit of drama today though because mother accidententally took two of her antibiotic tablets instead of two tylenol. I assured her she'd be fine, after all many times i've been given antibiotics and been instructed to take two right away to get it into my system but mother wasn't having that. She didn't believe in what i was telling her and wanted to hear something from a professional. We ended up calling our pharmacy, thank goodness they were still open...and we spoke to the pharmacist. He was very nice and reassured us that mother would be just fine. In essence he told mother what i had but she believed it coming from him. She was very relieved and was better off the rest of the day. She hasn't had much of an appetite lately, though she is still eating...so i didn't have to make much today. For dinner i didn't cook. Mother just wanted some soup and since i was feeling so poorly i assumed the others could feed themselves. I didn't eat, still haven't but i'm not feeling very hungry, though i am craving some ice cream and potato chips.

We are expecting a winter storm, hooray. I still haven't felt well enough to get out and go for groceries so i doubt i'll get out tomorrow. I'm thinking of going to a 24 hour store right now. I feel like going but i have to talk to mother about it.

I am back...have talked to mother and decided i'm going out to the store...so i'll end this but i'll be back later.

Puttering

Today i am in a puttering mood. I've been working on my list (for those of you who don't know, months ago my sister gave me a laminated list of chores to do weekly and monthly) of chores, though my sister has cut me a bit of slack and said not to worry about too much of it. I'm still going through the motions though...as i said, i'm just in the mood.

I spoke to my doctors office and they scheduled me in for Monday, 9.30am. I am always happy to have early appointments, it's better than sitting around all day worrying, as i do. Tuesday i see the doctor regarding my kidneys. I hope they are back to normal so i can resume my chemo...i will keep you posted.

Mother is having a tough day of it today. She's in and out of the bathroom (i promise i will say no more). I gave her some of my Immodium, hopefully it will help. Other than that, she seems to be having an 'okay' day. When she isn't in panic mode, i count that as such a blessing because i find it so hard to deal with. I don't know where all of my patience have gone...perhaps so many years of dealing with her have done away with them. I do feel such guilt though...i am doing the best i can do right now...but i think i should be doing better. I will work on it. Lord knows i am far from perfect...but i guess under the circumstances i don't need to be.

I haven't taken anything out for dinner yet. I have no idea what to have. Having to plan meals and do the cooking and dishes is taking it's toll on me. I am tired of cooking the same old t hings but mother likes the same old things. Tim and i have spent countless amounts of time online looking for recipes i could try. I sent them all to my sister at work and she printed them out and brought them home, only to be told "yuck" by my mother. Sigh.

Tim and i found some great recipes for the slow cooker. It was his idea, suggesting i could put it on in the morning, perhaps even before i go for treatment, then it'd be ready for dinner in the evening. My sister tried one of the recipes one Sunday. It didn't turn out the greatest but it was worth a try...but mother hated it and has barred me from trying any other new recipes. I had such plans, sigh.

Tonight i have to go for groceries. I think i mentioned it in an earlier post. It will be another big shop i think...we are running out of things left and right. I hope i have the energy to go. Right now i am feeling okay but that could easily change. I find myself so tired all of the time, seems all i do is sleep anymore. I am usually awake for a couple of hours and then i need to sleep...and not just a nap but for hours, usually two to three...then awake for a couple and well, you see how it goes. I really am not much help to mother at all, as she keeps on reminding me...i am sorry for that but i can't help it.

Well i had better go finish up my list....then call Tim, he is waiting for me to call him. I hope he feels better today. He had a bad headache last night so the two of us went to bed earlier than we normally do. I can't wait to hear his voice again.

I hope you all have a great weekend...i'll stop by soon to visit you all.

T.G.i.F.

I had another rough day today. I just can't seem to shake this headache. I take oxy contin and they just aren't touching the pain. I need to speak to my oncologist about it and see if there isn't something different i can try. Back to morphine perhaps.

Since i was in such pain and so tired, i spent a lot of time in bed today. My mother was not amused but it meant i didn't get to spend much time with Tim. I missed him terribly..it was our first Valentine's day today, the first of many to come. We did spend a few hours tonight together and as always that was fun, i love him so.

I have to get up early in the morning ...well early for me, 9am, to call my doctors office and to call the occupational therapist that is trying to make an appointment to come and talk about mother. We are hoping she will make arrangements for mother to get a commode chair. We only have one bathroom here and my nephew seems to monopolize the bathroom. Mother has irritable bowel and so she frequently needs the bathroom. I have no idea why my adult nephew spends so much time in the bathroom. He baths several times a day. I think he is up to something in there but i cannot prove it. He is a former drug user and i'm not so sure the former is accurate, but as i say, i can't back that up with anything...other than suspicion. He drives us crazy, always going in there..to bathe or wash or shave, multiple times a day, i mean how many times does a man need to shave a day. The lad needs a job, a steady job but that is a whole other story.

Tomorrow, rather..today (since it's almost 4am) i have to do my list of chores and also do some grocery shopping. I can't do groceries until my sister gets home from work because mother will panic if left alone...don't want that to happen. It won't take me long to do my list but i do have to do laundry too. I hope to feel energetic in the morning to get it done then so that i can spend time with Tim...so i'd better go get some sleep.

So glad some of you have found me, i hope others do too...

Happy Hump day!

I feel terrible right now...in pain, head pain. I've taken my pain medication but it just isn't touching it...so here i am, blogging.

Tim and i just played some pool online. We play that on Pogo but we also play at a new site called Gamedesire . It has some good games there and it is also free to play on but like Pogo, there is a VIP account that you can pay to join. We haven't done that, though we have on Pogo. We enjoy our time together, playing, talking and having lots of laughs. We really are good together.

Today i am hoping to get out for a while and do some shopping. We don't need a lot, i just did do a big shop...but i do want to get out into the fresh air and breathe it in.

I have a doctors appointment this week but i cannot find the paper where i wrote it down...so i am going to have to call the office today and find out. I really should get a card each time or add it to my Blackberry but i'd lose it too i'm sure.

I am listening to some music as i'm typing this...by my favourite band, The Tragically Hip...it's been a while since i've been able to listen to some music because the sound on my computer was not working. I had no idea why and tried doing a system restore to an earlier date when it was working but that didn't work. The other night Tim and i were talking about it and he made a suggestion...which i tried when i discovered that my old headset was still set as my current headphones. When i changed it over to the current set i am using, voila! it worked. Yay! Mystery solved. Now i can enjoy Jay's vlogs with sound, sounds on the game sites and of course my music. Thank goodness all this time i didn't lose the ability to chat voice with Tim.

So i mentioned my Blackberry. I am wondering if anyone else has one and if you do, how do you go about downloading ringtones? I enjoy the ringtone i am currently using but i do like a change every now and again. Help!

Well i had better go read your blogs before i get too tired to enjoy them...then i'll head to bed for some sleep.

Welcome to all of you...

Welcome to the new home for Grace, too. Please bear with me as i work out all the kinks and get it all put together the way i want it. It may look familiar to some of you...that is because i really do love the colour scheme...i'll just be making minor changes...but the main part of moving it was two fold. The address to the former Grace, too was a painful reminder of a very painful part of my life, a part that i am ready to move past now that i have Tim and we are so happy together.

Secondly somehow i'd lost my profile and now i've got it back. I'll work on that too over the next few days.

So i hope you found me alright and will keep coming to read me. I will try to post daily but i hope you'll forgive me when i don't....i will always keep in touch.


Thank you for coming...please update your blog lists. Thank you again.

Warmly,
Jamie