Where are my mittens?

Brrrr, it's cold this morning as i sit here, typing...but you know the deal, it's Canada, it's winter and my bedroom window is open (just a tad) as per mother's insistence. But i'm cold and my finger tips are freezing...but i feel alive. I think that's why i love winter so...it's a season more than any other that makes me feel alive.

I am awake at this hour...well still awake because i haven't been able to sleep. I have things on my mind and it is racing around in my brain. I won't talk about it now...it's not a huge deal, just not ready to talk about it.

On a very positive note....my doctors appointment went splendidly and all is well for me to have my treatment on Monday. I've been tolerating it very well, i am very proud of myself. I feel healthier than i have felt in years. Next month will be my last month...and then who knows what. It will be my birthday next month too...and i think to myself, what if...but i feel like i can't say 'it' out loud for fear of jinxing myself. Is that silly ...i don't know but that's where i'm at.

Soon i'll have to put a bit of makeup on...fix my hair and brush my teeth to head out to my dentist appointment. I am not exactly sure what they'll be doing today but i somehow don't fear anything. I feel comfortable going there in a way i never thought i would. It's a pleasant atmosphere, the dentist i've been seeing is nice...personable...they hygenist i saw last time was also nice...and funny, joking around a lot, which put me at ease. I am so glad my sister suggested i go there. She started going there a year or so ago...and after a long time of my doctor and oncologist telling me to look after my teeth, i finally am. Yay for me. I've gotten brave in my old age in ways i've never expected.

I think that has come from this long battle with cancer. That and just dealing with life in general. Some of us, i think, are born brave...me...i had to grow into it. I had to fight through the battles all along the way and each time i gained a bit more strength...i'm not saying i'm a hero. I'm not. Heroes are the children battling this disease...i'm just doing what i have to do...and doing it the best way i can.

I had to laugh there...there was me trying to wax philosophical...and that's just not me, i'm not that deep. I wish i was. I have a big heart and i love like crazy but i'm not deep nor philosophical...i'm just me...sitting here in my nighty and socks, cold and a bit tired...ready to face the day..snowy, rainy, dental work, mother and her moods, financial woes and cancer...bring it on.

Where did it go?

Sunday flew by for me, did it you?

I woke up fairly early.. well for me...and called Tim. We met up online and played some Monopoly until 1pm...when he had to leave to get ready to go out. He was heading to Lexington to watch a basketball game between U of K and U of L with his brother.

I always miss him when he's away but it was good for him to get out and spend some time with his brother and family.

It meant a very quiet day for me as usually there are many phone calls between us all day when we aren't together. Sue had woken up early and did the laundry that my nephew was meant to be doing, so that was taken care of and i didn't have to do that. She had also got everything ready for dinner. Vegetables peeled and in water on the stove. We had a pot roast with potatoes, carrots and onion...with coleslaw and mashed turnips. Oh and Yorkshire pudding...musn't forget that.

I ended up going to pick up some groceries. There were some things we needed...margerine..tea bags...salad...and lots of other things i wanted to pick up. The stores, compared to during the holidays, were relatively quiet...so i leisurely walked around the store, looking for things. Recently they changed the store around to make room for the new pharmacy that they added...so i'm lost and trying to re-familiarize myself with where things are. I am 'known' for forgetting things, even when i have a list...because i often even don't check the list...but i'm trying to be better about that and really checking the list before i check out, to make sure i don't go home with a long list of things i forgot.

Got everything home in a taxi and eventually all put away. It was going on 4pm by that time and mother and i thought of going for a nap but in the end we didn't. At that point dinner was almost ready...we wanted to eat early because my sister, after having been off for 11 days straight, is heading back to work Monday morning and she wanted a relaxing, long evening.

We were done eating dinner by 5.30 or so and shortly thereafter i did the dishes. Man i felt so sleepy at that point (really wished i'd taken a nap earlier) but i got the dishes done and then laid down for a nap. I set my alarm to wake up for 9pm but i ended up waking up just after 8pm...with a headache.

I had my alarm set for 9 because i wanted to watch a show with my sister then...a new show started with international dance teams. I forget what it was called but it is a dance competition with teams from around the world. We liked it ....but it wasn't as good as we'd hoped it would be. A lot of the 'dancing' we thought of as more of tumbling or something...not what i think of as dancing....certainly not on par with say So You Think You Can Dance or Dancing with the Stars.

We'll continue to watch it though...because have you noticed lately there is nothing on tv. Gosh...we're desperate for something to watch. I know American Idol starts next week (i think?) but i am kind of a little tired of that show.

Here in Canada, just before the holidays, the first version of So You Think You Can Dance Canada was on and we really enjoyed that. Hopefully another American version will be on soon. Also hoping another season of Big Brother will be on this winter...i haven't heard anything though, have you?

So we watched the dance show and got through it....at the end i did my usual rituals...made ice cubes and got water and ice for mother and me. Tim then called to let me know he'd just walked in the door. I was so happy to hear his voice and happier still that he had a good time and had arrived back home safely.

I made mother a roast beef sandwich as a late evening snack (which she has already eaten as i type this) and got my sister and i each a piece of cheese bread (oh and a piece for mother too) and went back to my room to call Tim back.

We decided to both have a nap. I tried to sleep but couldn't. This headache is nagging at me and my neck and shoulders are tense. I've heated up my magic bags and i've got them on my back and neck so that should help...i've also taken a muscle relaxer...so we'll see what happens.

I called Tim to tell him i couldn't sleep but he still sounded tired so he's gone back to sleep and i'm here writing this.

This week i have two appointments. Tuesday i see my oncologist and Wednesday i have a dentist appointment. I can't remember exactly what she'll be doing, i think building my teeth back up. I grind them you see and they're worn down to the denta...and so i think thats what will be happening. I have two teeth to be pulled but i'm not sure when that will happen. I'm in no big rush for that but my sister says i should be...so as not to end up with another infected tooth ...with the pain, etc that i experienced. When i go on Wedneday i'll ask about it.

After my appointment Wednesday, mother wants me to do a bit of shopping...so i'll do that then come back home. It will be nice to get out a bit this week.

Next week i'm back on chemo with one more month to go (prayers said). We'll see what happens after that.

Anyway..all in all it was a good day but it certainly went by quickly...which is good and bad...but mostly good because i missed Tim and bad because the day is almost over.

Well i'm off to visit your blogs...see you there.

Chilly nights and days

Had a nice, relaxing day today...but i've had a terrible headache all day and it rages on. I can't complain because i've been having some really good days lately.

It is the wee hours of the morning and i'll be heading to bed very soon...in the hopes that my head is better when i wake up.

When i do wake up, i think i'll do some laundry. I wanted to do it today but that just didn't happen. That's a good thing about laundry...it will always wait.

It's been cold outside, bitterly cold. I won't complain about that either but we have had the window cracked open (at mothers insistence) so i've been bundling up and wearing socks and slippers on my feet. Mother has been all snuggled up in bed with her blankets too...but she doesn't want the window shut, she prefers the fresh air to how stuffy it can get with the window closed. I do too but this cold snap is something else altogether...if it were up to me i'd have closed it...but must keep mother happy.

When i woke up this morning, it was funny....i looked at my hands and thought...oh yeah, i have nails...i'd totally forgotten or something. Then when i was sitting up, i looked down at my toes and smiled. I know it must sound silly but it makes me feel good that i got them done...makes me feel girlie...sometimes this disease robs me of that, i can't explain why...it just does. So...i hope to keep this up.

Well i think i'll pop by your blogs, see if any of you have written...then i'll crawl into my ice cold bed (which i love) to warm it up soon as i watch the end of Extreme Home Makeover...goodnight all.

Happy New Year!

Wow, i can't believe it is 2009...Happy New Year to each and every one of you that stops by my humble little blog to read about my life...i appreciate all of you! I hope you all have a great year filled with peace and joy, love and prosperity...and most of all, good health.

Had a bit of a busy day. Had my dental appointment at 8.30 this morning. That went well, my teeth are nice and clean now. I have two follow up appointments next week and the week after. I'll be a busy bee as i have two other medical appointments those weeks too.

After my teeth were nice and clean, my sister met me at the office and we went and got manicures and pedicures. It's a little treat i gave myself and i hope to pamper myself a bit more this coming year.. but we shall see. Anyway the pedicure was amazing...those of you who go know what it's like..so i won't go on and on but i could have fallen asleep between the massaging chair and the pedicure itself. I used to go every month...i dont know if i'll go that often again but i intend on going more.

So after that i got a manicure and gel nails put on. I've been growing my own nails but recently i'd broken one and when i break one i trim them all back, so i was at a short stage and i just fancied some nice, longer nails. I went with a French colour on both hands and feet and it looks nice, especially on my cute little feet....although my sister was making fun of me because i am one of those 'freaks' that has a long second toe. Oh well, i like them. The lady doing my feet was admiring the tatoos that i have on my big toes (i think i've mentioned them here before, they are pink long stemmed roses)...i've always loved them and do get comments and compliments on them. I remember once i was in hospital ...i was very sick from chemo and a nurse came in to do my blood pressure, etc and she was covering me up and my feet happened to be sticking out of the blankets and she just fell in love with my tatoos...so much so that she decided she wanted to get some on her toes and asked if she could bring her husband in with her the next day to show him my tatoos, as a way to convince him that is was the right place or something (i dont remember exactly now)...it was cute.

It had snowed during the night and since i didn't want to smoosh my toes i took a pair of flip-flops to wear home. So did my sister. We must have looked crazy walking out in the snow to get into our respective taxis...it was funny but hey, a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.

When i got home i settled in, got changed out of my 'going out' clothes and into my 'hanging around the house shorts and tshirt' and sat and chatted with my mom and sister. Mom decided on what she wanted for lunch and i promptly made it and sister went out on an errand, promising to be back shortly. When she left mother asked if i'd consider going to the grocery store...there were a few things she wanted, a few things we needed and so i decided to go.

Wow...when i got to the store it was packed...and i do mean packed. There was even a line-up for the atm...which isn't usually the case. After i visited that, i got my shopping done. It was brilliantly sunny out but bitterly cold and after i'd checked out i waited outside for the taxi...which when you are waiting in the cold like that, seemed to take forever...but it wasn't long. It took us forever to get out of the parking lot but i was finally on my way home. Got there and put stuff away then met Tim online to play for a while.

After we played i took a nap. Everyone here was napping and i was tired. When i got up i breaded the pork chops for dinner. We didn't eat until late, as i mentioned...but when we did it was yummy.

S did dishes and i laid down. My sciatica was bothering me and so i heated up my 'magic bag' and put it on my leg and that is the last thing i remember until i woke up just before midnight. I called Tim and tried to hurry to meet him online so we could ring in the new year together. I barely made it...but we spent a few fun hours talking and playing.

We hope this will be our year.

Did i make any New Years resolutions....not really...just to beat this disease, get healthy and be with Tim...i guess they could count as resolutions. I have to make them happen. I have to.

I feel like this is my year....(throwing my hat up in the air)... i'm gonna make it after all. From my finger tips to God's ears!

Oh what fun...

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas.

Here, our Christmas eve festivities went really well. Everyone seemed to enjoy the food and we all had fun talking and laughing at this and that. The kids were well behaved even though they'd been to a couple of other places visiting and were clearly excited about Santa's impending arrival.

People didn't stay too late, were gone before 11pm. After they left S and i did the big clean up and were quite brutal about it, according to her directions. Most food got thrown out. Her reasoning was that it had been sitting out since we'd eaten...we were so busy socializing that we left things. It was hard to argue with her (it always is)...she is the oldest and what she says goes. After we cleared everything up...i was meant to make my stuffing for the next days turkey...but i just couldn't...i was worn out. Instead i think i spent time with Tim (i can't remember if i had a wee nap first) and we enjoyed ourselves, as usual.

This year Tim and i ...because of our finances, decided not to buy gifts for each other. It's so hard not to buy for someone you love so much...i'm a natural-born giver and want to give...but i refrained. Well i could resist no longer and yesterday i ordered some cheese. I ordered a basket for him some months ago from this place called Igourmet. They sell specialized cheeses and fine foods. I'd highly recommend them to anyone. Anyway i ordered a gift basket for him some months ago that i was able to put together and one of the things i chose was some Stilton cheese. Well he loved it and since money is so tight for us this year, i knew he wouldn't treat himself to some more so i ordered him some of that and another favourite of his, brie. This time i sent him some Canadian brie. I hope it's good...i just thought it would be nice to have something from my country. So that should be arriving soon...and i hope he enjoys it and eats it in good health...cheese is just so yummy anyway.

SO back to Christmas. On the eve of...i spent time with Tim and then we decided we'd better go to sleep...which meant it was time for me to fill the stalkings. Yes we still do that here even though we are all adults. It's just a bit of fun and i enjoy doing it. I didn't realize how much stuff i'd bought...so the stockings were all over-flowing...a mix of practical and yummy things.

On the morning of, we rose fairly early, i think it was 9am and once everyone was up and about we sat down to open gifts. I ended up buying a fair amount of things for my sister....well for everyone. S and i gave mother an electric blanket (which we promptly returned on Boxing day)...she didn't even want to try it, she just decided it would be too hot for her ...this from the woman who is almost always cold. Oh well. As it turns out, we bought her a nice, incredibly soft blanket instead.

After we all opened our gifts i got to work on the stuffing. It took me a little while, i make a sausage stuffing....thankfully it turned out better this time than it did for Thanksgiving. We got the veggies and everything ready, stuffed the bird...put it in the oven...and by this time it was 1.30pm so we all decided to lay down for a nap. I think all of us (except my nephew) slept until 5pm, i think we were still tired from the night before....thankfully nephew was awake sooner and had been basting the bird. When we woke at 5pm the bird was a golden beauty and smelled yummy.

After dinner, which we all thoroughly enjoyed, we got the dishes done and relaxed for the evening. The next day, Boxing day too...i started some turkey soup and sister started the process of taking down the tree and decorations (no time to waste). I don't know why she was in such a hurry. She is off over the holidays until the 5th of January so she has 11 days off. Good for her buy she's been like a little whirlwind around here, cleaning etc...bless her little heart.

One day, since we had to go return mother's blanket and some other things, we braved the mall. Wow...it was packed. I think we went the Saturday following Christmas (but now i can't exactly remember)...sister returned what she had to...i bought myself a new purse with my Christmas money...a black Kathy Van Zeeland purse, my current favourite bags. I have three now and i just love them...but back to my mall story. We hurried around the mall as it was just plain nuts and i don't like crowds like that...and sister has very little patience for people...so we got what we wanted and left. The following day we went to Walmart. We had a return there...and again it was crazy...and the line-ups were almost as bad as the ones i'd encountered prior to Christmas. I decided then and there that i'd stay away from the stores for a while...til things have calmed down.

Since then we've just been getting on with things...i have a dental appointment on the thirty-first at 8.30am to get my teeth cleaned (yay!) then after that i'm meeting my sister Lane to get a manicure and pedicure. I am SO looking forward to that. On the sixth i go to see my oncologist and on the 12th i begin another round of chemo. I finish in February then will see what happens after that. I'm so excited to find out what this new year will mean for me, my health and my future with Tim.

New Years eve will be quiet here...no partying. We usually order in some Chinese food but my sister doesn't want to do that this year...so i'd better find out what, if anything, we're doing for New Years day dinner...but hopefully i'll be online with Tim to ring in the new year with him.

Will check back in with all of you soon...before the new year for sure. Now i'll pop round your blogs to hear about your CHristmases.

Tis the season

Been so busy the last few days...i bet all of you are too. Shopping and getting things ready for the big day. Finally completed my shopping on Sunday but couldn't resist going back to the mall tonight to pick up one gift i'd spotted for my sister but didn't pick up. It was one of those things, a pretty, sparkly bracelet that had caught my eye. She loves blue and it is blue with various faux stones in it...there are three of them, very pretty...and i just couldn't resist getting it for her. Picked up a few more small stocking stuffers too...and two pairs of gloves for myself. I've loved being out in the crowds doing the last minute shopping but it has made me miss Tim all the more.

We are having family over on Christmas eve. We are serving finger foods..a casual affair, everyone is bringing something. It will be fun, full of yummy food and good company. My family isn't close so it will be especially nice to see everyone, i am really looking forward to it.

S has been busy baking, lemon squares, shortbread, hello dolly squares and mincemeat and butter tarts. Monday i made some sweet and sour meatballs and tomorrow i will make the stuffing for the turkey for Christmas day. I have tons of wrapping to do but that is not a chore for me, i love to do it.

Mother has been in reasonable spirits, sister too. I am looking forward. I have two more months of chemo and then we'll see what the future holds. I feel good. I feel strong and i feel very positive.

On that note i will wish all of you a very merry Christmas. I hope you have a wonderful holiday season surrounded by your loved ones. I look forward to reading all about it on your blogs.

Merry Christmas to all...and God bless.