Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Thank you!

Having a rough day today...but what should I expect on treatment day.

Since having chemo this morning..I have been doing really nothing but sleeping. That and frequent trips to the bathroom. I am in pain but I can bear the pain if it means I am alive to keep fighting.

The main reason I wanted to post today, was to thank those of you that commented on my last post. It meant a lot to me that you responded.

I have decided not to say anything, unless he says something to me. Most likely he will not, so I will just leave it at that.

Well, I am going to get a glass of ice water and crawl back into bed. See you again soon.

Monday, July 15, 2013

I need to know

It's been a little while again, since I last posted. I'm feeling like I need to talk, as it here I go.

Yesterday my male friend was to come over to work on my computer..and stay for dinner. He was to be here at 4pm. At 5.30pm I hadn't heard from him and I sort of assumed he wasn't coming.

Twenty minutes later he calls and asks if I still want him to come. I say yes, of course...dinner is simmering and I needed some help. Plus, to be honest...I was looking forward to a bit of company. I keep to myself far too often. That and he really is my only friend and I rarely see him now...makes for some lonely times.

Anyway, he tells me he will be here in 30 minutes.

Twenty minutes or so passes and the buzzer goes. Ahh, he is here. I let him in and I open the door and there stands my friend and a woman. He introduces her (but I have forgotten her name) and I let them in.

I must say, I was sort of taken aback. I was not expecting anyone else, just him...but I tried to roll with it. After all, I'd made a big pot of spaghetti sauce and garlic bread and pasta...what's one more.

They came to my room, where my computer is and where I spend most of my time. Awkward because I had to invite her to sit on my he was going to need the computer chair to be working on the computer.

We made pleasantries as he worked...and every once in a while they made time for some canoodling. Okay...I get that..they're in love..or whatever. He works but isn't having much luck. Then she asks when supper will be ready. I asked if they were hungry, they both replied I went to turn the pasta water on to boil...and preheated the oven for the garlic bread.

As happens when you're waiting for it, water takes forever to boil. I am back and forth to the kitchen, trying to hurry things between...I come back to my room to socialize when they can tear themselves apart. 

She begins to ask me questions...probing, personal and sometimes downright hurtful questions. Some of which were...what is wrong with me, do I take a lot of medication, why is my percocet bottle so I really need 240 of them...and one of the most painful I going to die.

I was dumbfounded. I have never been grilled like this before and I was extremely uncomfortable. I tried to give some answers while protecting my privacy. In the end I said I didn't want to talk about it anymore.

Was I being overly-sensitive or too closed off or was she out of line? I don't know. After they left I cried.

I don't know why exactly but I did.

I was so relieved when after dinner, they left. They needed to get home so didn't stay long after dinner. 

Question is...should I say something to my friend about this...or just hold my tongue?