I am tired but i cannot sleep. I tried.
I had my treatment for the week. Came home exhausted. Went to bed. I woke, sick...but felt a bit better after a while. I took a nice warm shower, then spent some much needed time with Tim. Not long enough though...but i had to get ready to go see mother. It was my day today. My sister and i have been trying to take turns going, to give each other a bit of a break. Sue saw mother yesterday and mother asked where i was. Sue told her i was at home resting and mother told her to tell me to get my rear end in to see her. So i went today.
I strolled up to the fourth floor, cardiology ward where she has been for the past three and a bit weeks..only to find a gentleman asleep in the bed where i usually see her. I went straight to the nurses station only to be told she'd been moved to the geriatric ward. They directed me where to go and off i went. By the time i reached mothers room, i was so tired, sweaty and feeling so ill. I did my best to be good company for her but in fact i wasn't. I didn't feel up to being there but i was pressured to be...i really just wanted to be home, in my bed.
Mother was upset that she'd been moved. She says she was drugged and moved without being told. I tried to explain that it was bound to happen and we're just lucky that she'd had the room all to her self all that time. Now she has a roommate and she is none too pleased. Mother doesn't like strangers, she prefers to be alone. I'm hoping a bit of company will cheer her up a bit ... but knowing her, it will not.
She says the nurses are meanies too...but mother has an acid tongue...and so i'm not sure how much of that to believe. I'm sure there are some instances where they might be. I have seen mother sit in soiled diapers, waiting to be changed...or waiting and waiting for medication...and no amount of gentle prodding by me or not so gentle by mother or my sister helps. They just get to them when they get to them. I suppose there is an argument to be made for nursing shortages and budget cuts but all of that is hard to think about when you have a loved one laying in a hospital bed. You want them cared for, period.
My sister came with me for groceries after i visited mother. We stopped in at Blockbuster and rented four movies. One of them was called The Savages. I hadn't realized what the subject of the movie was, i just knew i wanted to see it. As it happens, it's hitting really close to home. It's about two siblings dealing with the care of their elderly father, who has dementia and has to be placed into a nursing facility. It's had some funny point but also some really sad ones. We got tired and stopped watching it an hour and a half into it...so we'll finish it tomorrow.
After we stopped it, i called Tim, then went to sleep. I only slept for about an hour, if that. So many thoughts running through my head. When i woke, i tried to call Tim but i guess he is fast asleep. I'm hoping he'll wake up and call me.
Well i guess i will take myself back to bed and see if i can get some more sleep. I want to get as much rest as possible this weekend, i've been so very tired and it's been a very rough week.
Hope you all are well...thank you for your continued support, it means the world to me.
Dear Big Kid,
1 week ago