Fully, completely

So my sister left today. Gone for six days. I feel down. I wish it were me gone from this place. Listen to me, i say this place like i hate it. I don't...but i feel like i don't belong here any more. Is that silly? I like to think it's not.

So off S went to dog sit. She'll work Monday and Tuesday and take the rest of the week off. Good thing, it's her birthday on Wednesday, so she'll have some time to relax. Relax, who am i kidding...she hardly ever relaxes, she is almost always on the go, doing something...God bless her.

I, myself am quite happy to do nothing. Too happy sometimes.

Today has been a strange day. I should have gone out and got some groceries but mother is fighting that. It's a long story really but in lieu of contributing to the rent, utilities, etc here...she buys the groceries. Or has been. My sister felt this was a fair way for her to contribute. Mother agreed. Now she is balking at the whole notion. She says she spends way too much and she's fed up. She is also fed up with buying particular items, ie; skim milk for my sister, soya milk (also for my sister)..Tang (my nephew drinks the bulk of it but i do enjoy it sometimes)...cat food and kitty litter (they aren't her cats)...etc etc.

Well, she told me this the other day and i was like...WHAT? What am i supposed to do..just buy what she wants. How selfish. I kept most of my inner comments to myself...but later spoke to my sister about it. I informed her that mother no longer wanted to purchase said items. S was furious....after all, she and i don't get to pick and choose when we pay rent/hydro/phone..etc.

I felt stuck in the middle, she said, she said. Ahhhhhhh. I know i sort of put myself in a bad spot going to my sister but i had to tell her. She'd have expected me to come home with her things from the grocery store and i wouldn't be, according to mother.

When i informed mother that i'd told my sister. She called me a troublemaker and a tattletale. She accused me of stirring up trouble. Ugh. Mother drives me insane and wastes no situation in which she can make mean comments about me. You'd think i'd be used to this. I am not.

So her bottom line was, she wasn't going to buy any groceries, at all. None.

Fine. So i wasn't going to have an outing today. There is very little in the way of milk or bread or potatoes...no laundry soap, low on toilet tissue. You get the picture.

Thing is, i'm in a financial bind right now. My doing. Totally my doing. So i can't just rush out and buy groceries myself, as i have been doing prior to this happening (again...yes again...this situation keeps happening)...so what to do.

As all of you know, it's hard to make breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks umpteen times a day for a woman who is very particular...without ingredients.

So i will make do, somehow until such time that she changes her mind.

Don't get me wrong. We won't starve but we won't be having meat, potatoes and two to three vegetables (which is what she expects) each meal. We'll be having eggs (til they run out)..oven fries and chicken nuggets (which i guiltily enjoy from time to time so keep in the freezer)...oh i'll think of things to have..........and she'll utter the dreaded "yuk" to everything i make...but if she won't be buying groceries, she'll have to grin and bear it.

Is she capable of that. Nope. She is the most unhappy, negative person you'd ever meet. It makes me sad, yes. But i am trying my hardest not to let it get me down. I'm fighting to keep my head above water too.

So it's been a strange day, indeed.

As i type this, mother is making a list. A list of possible groceries? I don't know. She asks me certain things...what brand is this, do we have that. I answer as politely as i can.... but if she wants me to go shopping sometime tomorrow, she'll be left alone and she never wants that. So what now.

Just trying to keep sane here.

Fully, completely.