Good morning

Early Tuesday morning and i'm feeling rough from yesterdays treatment. I slept the moment i got home practically. I'd been up most of the night prior, full of angst and unable to sleep. Tim kept me company, we talked and played and whitened our teeth together, he is so good to be with, even through the silent times, when neither of us is speaking...it is just such a comfort to know he is with me.

Monday, when i got home, as i said, i slept...and slept and slept. I did make dinner for everyone but it wasn't hard, i just reheated leftovers from Sundays delicious dinner of roast, yorkshire pudding and all of the rest of the trimmings. Sunday it was so good...Monday i wanted nothing to do with it so the others ate happily. I had some bread, had to have something on my stomach but at least it was something.

By 8pm or so i was back in bed. I saw a bit of Dancing with the Stars, i think it will be a fun go round, i'm looking forward to it but just couldn't stay awake. I was asleep off and on, up and out of bed from time to time only to slip back in. I was feeling so tired, so weak and just generally unwell. Around 3 or 4 am i called Tim...we met online and played a few games of rummy and a bit of chess...but we said our goodnights and i'll be going to bed myself shortly, i just wanted to post before doing so.

I'm also getting together some things i am sending to Tim today, via UPS. I will take everything to the store and have them parcel it up. I am sending my laptop and various other things, including the gifts i bought him for Christmas. We'd each been holding on to them, to celebrate when we got together but since we are unsure when that will be, i want to send them to him. I am really looking forward to sending him the laptop. His is old and causes him some problems and it is making me feel good to be able to send it to him...besides, it is probably more than a bit selfish of me..i am afraid of his dying and not being able to spend time with him as we do each day and night. See, selfish aren't i.

As i am sure you may have n oticed, i can't quite figure out which font i've been using....hence the differences. This one is Georgia...and i'm trying hard to remember it so that i can keep on using it...i don't like using all different fonts but i just can't remember which one i had been using.

Mother is asleep and has been doing pretty well. She has been taking an anti-depressant for a little over a month and oh boy, what a difference they've made. She isn't nearly as panicky (though she does have some moments of it) it hardly compares to the way she used to be. I can leave the room for brief periods without her shouting for me in a panicked state...which has taken a lot of pressure off of me. It was just getting too much to have to be with her nearly every minute. Having chemo now for three days a week will be much easier now that she is more stable, thank goodness.

My sister went to the dentist yesterday and had her teeth cleaned. I intend on doing that soon, hence my whiteneing them...isn't that silly, whitening them to go see the dentist...kind of like cleaning before the cleaning lady comes.

Well i had better head to bed and get at least a couple of hours of sleep. I am waiting for a parcel to arrive from Tim. He sent me something but i have no clue what...he is such a dear heart about giving gifts....and i can hardly wait to find out what it is. Recently i sent him a couple of things. I sent him a cheese basket, with various kinds of cheeses and some jerky (which he enjoys) and i think salami, crackers and some rye bread. He is enjoying it i think...and i also bought him some new cordless phones. His were going and i was being selfish again, wanting to be sure to be able to get hold of him...they are cool looking phones. I included him in the process of finding them. I wanted him to like them. I thought of getting myself the same ones but we decided it was silly to have four phones (they came with two handsets and an answering machine) when we move in together....he was right of course. Monday i ordered him a little surprise again...i hope he likes it but i ca n't tell you what it is or it will ruin it for him, since he reads this (hello honey). I will tell you after he's received it, what it was and why i sent it.

Off to bed finally...i've blathered on far too much already. Hope you all had a happy St Patrick's day....i hope none of you are hung over from the green beer or the Guiness and i hope you all have a great Tuesday.