Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Where are my mittens?

Brrrr, it's cold this morning as i sit here, typing...but you know the deal, it's Canada, it's winter and my bedroom window is open (just a tad) as per mother's insistence. But i'm cold and my finger tips are freezing...but i feel alive. I think that's why i love winter's a season more than any other that makes me feel alive.

I am awake at this hour...well still awake because i haven't been able to sleep. I have things on my mind and it is racing around in my brain. I won't talk about it's not a huge deal, just not ready to talk about it.

On a very positive doctors appointment went splendidly and all is well for me to have my treatment on Monday. I've been tolerating it very well, i am very proud of myself. I feel healthier than i have felt in years. Next month will be my last month...and then who knows what. It will be my birthday next month too...and i think to myself, what if...but i feel like i can't say 'it' out loud for fear of jinxing myself. Is that silly ...i don't know but that's where i'm at.

Soon i'll have to put a bit of makeup on...fix my hair and brush my teeth to head out to my dentist appointment. I am not exactly sure what they'll be doing today but i somehow don't fear anything. I feel comfortable going there in a way i never thought i would. It's a pleasant atmosphere, the dentist i've been seeing is nice...personable...they hygenist i saw last time was also nice...and funny, joking around a lot, which put me at ease. I am so glad my sister suggested i go there. She started going there a year or so ago...and after a long time of my doctor and oncologist telling me to look after my teeth, i finally am. Yay for me. I've gotten brave in my old age in ways i've never expected.

I think that has come from this long battle with cancer. That and just dealing with life in general. Some of us, i think, are born had to grow into it. I had to fight through the battles all along the way and each time i gained a bit more strength...i'm not saying i'm a hero. I'm not. Heroes are the children battling this disease...i'm just doing what i have to do...and doing it the best way i can.

I had to laugh there...there was me trying to wax philosophical...and that's just not me, i'm not that deep. I wish i was. I have a big heart and i love like crazy but i'm not deep nor philosophical...i'm just me...sitting here in my nighty and socks, cold and a bit tired...ready to face the day..snowy, rainy, dental work, mother and her moods, financial woes and cancer...bring it on.


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