Oh what fun...

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas.

Here, our Christmas eve festivities went really well. Everyone seemed to enjoy the food and we all had fun talking and laughing at this and that. The kids were well behaved even though they'd been to a couple of other places visiting and were clearly excited about Santa's impending arrival.

People didn't stay too late, were gone before 11pm. After they left S and i did the big clean up and were quite brutal about it, according to her directions. Most food got thrown out. Her reasoning was that it had been sitting out since we'd eaten...we were so busy socializing that we left things. It was hard to argue with her (it always is)...she is the oldest and what she says goes. After we cleared everything up...i was meant to make my stuffing for the next days turkey...but i just couldn't...i was worn out. Instead i think i spent time with Tim (i can't remember if i had a wee nap first) and we enjoyed ourselves, as usual.

This year Tim and i ...because of our finances, decided not to buy gifts for each other. It's so hard not to buy for someone you love so much...i'm a natural-born giver and want to give...but i refrained. Well i could resist no longer and yesterday i ordered some cheese. I ordered a basket for him some months ago from this place called Igourmet. They sell specialized cheeses and fine foods. I'd highly recommend them to anyone. Anyway i ordered a gift basket for him some months ago that i was able to put together and one of the things i chose was some Stilton cheese. Well he loved it and since money is so tight for us this year, i knew he wouldn't treat himself to some more so i ordered him some of that and another favourite of his, brie. This time i sent him some Canadian brie. I hope it's good...i just thought it would be nice to have something from my country. So that should be arriving soon...and i hope he enjoys it and eats it in good health...cheese is just so yummy anyway.

SO back to Christmas. On the eve of...i spent time with Tim and then we decided we'd better go to sleep...which meant it was time for me to fill the stalkings. Yes we still do that here even though we are all adults. It's just a bit of fun and i enjoy doing it. I didn't realize how much stuff i'd bought...so the stockings were all over-flowing...a mix of practical and yummy things.

On the morning of, we rose fairly early, i think it was 9am and once everyone was up and about we sat down to open gifts. I ended up buying a fair amount of things for my sister....well for everyone. S and i gave mother an electric blanket (which we promptly returned on Boxing day)...she didn't even want to try it, she just decided it would be too hot for her ...this from the woman who is almost always cold. Oh well. As it turns out, we bought her a nice, incredibly soft blanket instead.

After we all opened our gifts i got to work on the stuffing. It took me a little while, i make a sausage stuffing....thankfully it turned out better this time than it did for Thanksgiving. We got the veggies and everything ready, stuffed the bird...put it in the oven...and by this time it was 1.30pm so we all decided to lay down for a nap. I think all of us (except my nephew) slept until 5pm, i think we were still tired from the night before....thankfully nephew was awake sooner and had been basting the bird. When we woke at 5pm the bird was a golden beauty and smelled yummy.

After dinner, which we all thoroughly enjoyed, we got the dishes done and relaxed for the evening. The next day, Boxing day too...i started some turkey soup and sister started the process of taking down the tree and decorations (no time to waste). I don't know why she was in such a hurry. She is off over the holidays until the 5th of January so she has 11 days off. Good for her buy she's been like a little whirlwind around here, cleaning etc...bless her little heart.

One day, since we had to go return mother's blanket and some other things, we braved the mall. Wow...it was packed. I think we went the Saturday following Christmas (but now i can't exactly remember)...sister returned what she had to...i bought myself a new purse with my Christmas money...a black Kathy Van Zeeland purse, my current favourite bags. I have three now and i just love them...but back to my mall story. We hurried around the mall as it was just plain nuts and i don't like crowds like that...and sister has very little patience for people...so we got what we wanted and left. The following day we went to Walmart. We had a return there...and again it was crazy...and the line-ups were almost as bad as the ones i'd encountered prior to Christmas. I decided then and there that i'd stay away from the stores for a while...til things have calmed down.

Since then we've just been getting on with things...i have a dental appointment on the thirty-first at 8.30am to get my teeth cleaned (yay!) then after that i'm meeting my sister Lane to get a manicure and pedicure. I am SO looking forward to that. On the sixth i go to see my oncologist and on the 12th i begin another round of chemo. I finish in February then will see what happens after that. I'm so excited to find out what this new year will mean for me, my health and my future with Tim.

New Years eve will be quiet here...no partying. We usually order in some Chinese food but my sister doesn't want to do that this year...so i'd better find out what, if anything, we're doing for New Years day dinner...but hopefully i'll be online with Tim to ring in the new year with him.

Will check back in with all of you soon...before the new year for sure. Now i'll pop round your blogs to hear about your CHristmases.

Tis the season

Been so busy the last few days...i bet all of you are too. Shopping and getting things ready for the big day. Finally completed my shopping on Sunday but couldn't resist going back to the mall tonight to pick up one gift i'd spotted for my sister but didn't pick up. It was one of those things, a pretty, sparkly bracelet that had caught my eye. She loves blue and it is blue with various faux stones in it...there are three of them, very pretty...and i just couldn't resist getting it for her. Picked up a few more small stocking stuffers too...and two pairs of gloves for myself. I've loved being out in the crowds doing the last minute shopping but it has made me miss Tim all the more.

We are having family over on Christmas eve. We are serving finger foods..a casual affair, everyone is bringing something. It will be fun, full of yummy food and good company. My family isn't close so it will be especially nice to see everyone, i am really looking forward to it.

S has been busy baking, lemon squares, shortbread, hello dolly squares and mincemeat and butter tarts. Monday i made some sweet and sour meatballs and tomorrow i will make the stuffing for the turkey for Christmas day. I have tons of wrapping to do but that is not a chore for me, i love to do it.

Mother has been in reasonable spirits, sister too. I am looking forward. I have two more months of chemo and then we'll see what the future holds. I feel good. I feel strong and i feel very positive.

On that note i will wish all of you a very merry Christmas. I hope you have a wonderful holiday season surrounded by your loved ones. I look forward to reading all about it on your blogs.

Merry Christmas to all...and God bless.

This too shall pass

Brrrr, it's so chilly in here...it feels like the heat isn't even on. I do have the window open a crack. I do like the fresh air and mother needs the fresh air but i think i'll close it for a while.

I didn't sleep much last night. I had a middle-of-the-night-bath and was wide awake until 7.30 am. By then i was a bit sleepy and laid down. I slept until 10am. Now i have a headache. I hope it passes.

Mother woke up a little while ago, in time for the Price is Right (one of her favourite shows). She isn't speaking...yet. When the show is done i'll ask her what she'd like to eat and will find out what sort of mood she is in. Thus far she hasn't said one word to me. I have spoken to her and i'm not sure if she is ignoring me (which she does do) or didn't hear me. In either case i didn't feel like repeating myself. I feel like i'm in a mood too...not a bad one, a sad one.

And bad/sad moods are all around me. Of course my nephew M is always in a bad mood. He rarely speaks to me when we pass in the hall or we see each other when i'm in the kitchen. S just emailed me from work. It was to be another day off for her today but yesterday she decided to go in. She says she isn't in a good mood, feels suicidal and i feel helpless. Now i am not alarmed that she says she is suicidal. By that she means she is weepy, down...but not going to take her life. That much i know.

So all around me is sadness or anger or whatever it is. I'm fighting to rise above it. After all i am still alive, fighting this disease and living day to day. Sure i've got an infected tooth but it's being taken care of and i have pills for the pain. I have a wonderful man in my life who loves me and i have food and shelter and i have this little blog and all of you who take time out of your days to wish me well, offer your prayers and thoughts and visit me often. I shouldn't be too sad about not being with Tim, i know we'll be with each other in spirit and i know we'll be together as soon as we can be.

SO i better perk up, eh. Christmas is upon us afterall.

Bah humbug...almost

As Christmas nears, my mood saddens. Tim and i were meant to be together this Christmas but financially it's just not possible. Hopefully we'll be able to spend time together but i know it's a busy family time for him. We'll have a get together here on Christmas eve with my sisters other son and his wife and children here...but Christmas day it will just be the four of us here. Sure we'll have a nice dinner but i won't be with Tim.

So i'm finding it hard to get into the spirit of things. I've yet to do any shopping. I desperately need to go but with chemo and this darned tooth i've just had to put it off. S has been busy with her own things too and my aunt, who has offered to come stay with mother when i need to go, has been sick, so things just aren't working out. S had the day off Monday and i had thought it would be a good time to get out to the stores but it turned out she had plans of her own and was in and out most of the day and into the evening. Maybe i'll get to go on Tuesday at dinner time. Maybe Sue will fix dinner for her and mother and i can go out then. Maybe getting out and doing some shopping will put me in more of a Christmas spirit. I can only hope.

I have two more months of chemo after finishing this past weeks round. So i'll be done in time for my birthday in February. I hope and pray for good results.


Mother is in a fit state. She has never been one to enjoy the holiday season. I don't know why. There have been times when i've tried to talk to her about it, about why she gets like this...but when i have it only makes her worse. Obviously it's a sore subject for some reason. I try to be understanding but she gets so miserable she affects me as she has been lately. Earlier tonight she told me she wants to cancel the hairdresser coming because she just doesn't want to get her hair done for Christmas. I can't believe it. She always wants to look nice. I think i'll wait a few days and see if she changes her mind.

We are expecting snow later on in the week. I hope it comes. It doesn't feel like winter. Sure it's been cold but to see snow on the ground would make it real...and it's always nice to have a white Christmas, isn't it.

Earlier on MSN my sister L and i chatted. We've been keeping in touch via email but i haven't seen her in years even though she lives in the same city. It's difficult to explain why. My family is so dysfunctional and L has been separated from the family for as long as i can remember. It's been so long that i can hardly remember why. Mother sees her as a trouble maker. So does my sister S. My sister Lane has no time for her. I am the only one who keeps in touch but as i said, via email. L wants more. This puts me in an awkward position. I love L and want to see her but it would make things rocky here. My mother went through a bitter divorce and L seemed (according to mother) to take 'his' side. I can't remember all that has gone on anymore and quite frankly i don't care. L is my sister and i want to see her. I have to talk to S and mother about it. I know they won't be happy, i do know that. L feels sad and left out of everything. She's had some strokes lately, has had to give up nursing because of her many health problems and she needs family. I want to be there for her and i know email isn't quite doing it. I'm trying. It's just a bit difficult because i just can't leave mother behind. She doesn't want to be left on her own. As i've mentioned in prior posts (i think?) ...mother lives in the bedroom. We share a room. We have tv and my computer in here. She doesn't like me to leave the room. If i go to the living room to sit with S for a while, chat or watch tv, she gets mad...and i mean mad. She'll get into a real snit and sometimes won't talk for days. Otherwise she will just make things supremely miserable.

So, what to do. I know i'll figure something out but it will take some time. Perhaps when my aunt is feeling better i can ask her to come visit with mother while i go see L...or we could meet for a coffee or go shopping together. It will get figured out i'm sure...and i'll have to deal with mother and her foul moods..i always do.

Just a word from me to you

Brrrr...it's chilly as i'm sitting here. It is very nearly 4am and i just got finished playing Monopoly with Tim. Since neither one of us felt good today, this was the first time we'd been together, so we played three games and had some laughs. He's gone to bed now and i'll be heading there too shortly..i just thought i'd blog a bit.

My friend Rich came over on Wednesday. I had invited him over to look at my computer and our new tv. The new tv was hooked up and working but for some reason we couldn't switch it over to the digital box. My sister has it set up so she just gets the basic cable channels so that she can tape on her vcr...but we discovered the problem of the cable box and i knew Rich would be able to solve it. He was to stay for dinner and we were to watch a movie...and he was also going to take a look at my computer. He got here shortly before noon. We had already made plans to go get a few groceries. Mother wanted me to go and get some things to make a cabbage casserole, which i'll make on Sunday....but then i picked up the stuff for dinner that day too...and some other things too. Before we left for the stores, he looked at the tv and decided it needed new wiring. So he toook the wires off the LCD tv in my bedroom and put it on the one in the living room and decided the tv in my room needed HDMI cables. Don't ask me what they are...i just paid for them and asked no questions, since he always knows what he is doing. When we got back he went to work, putting the cables on. That didn't take long at all and before long i had the groceries all put away. Since i've been on chemo this week, having it at home...i got to feel nauseous and ended up being quite sick. Thankfully Rich is understanding and kind of knows the drill. We decided to order and movie on demand from the cable thingie...and began watching that so i could lay down and rest...but i promptly fell asleep, not surprisingly. I'm always tired.

I didn't miss too much of the movie. We watched Run Fatboy Run. Rich explained what i did miss and i perked up for the end of it and enjoyed it quite a bit. I wanted to rent another but i knew i'd never stay awake...besides it was time i needed to start dinner. After dinner, we did dishes and i packed up some leftovers (we had pasta with fresh mozzarella) and he left. He had to go to work the next morning, i was feeling unwell...and my sister wanted the living room back.

When i headed back to the bedroom and mom...she asked me if i'd turned off the closed captioning button (we keep it on at all times because it helps mom enjoy tv since her hearing is going)...i didn't think i had but i checked...nope, it was on. So i tried another channel, with a different program, to see if it was just that particular show that she was watching...nope. It just wasn't working. I couldn't figure it out...i checked the settings over and over. Then mom mentioned something pertinent. It hadn't worked since Rich changed the cables. Uh-oh. I texted Rich since i wasn't sure if he was home yet and he said he didn't think it would be because of the cables. In the end i ended up changing the cables back to the original ones...for some reason the hdmi cables didnt allow for the cc. Do any of you know why that is? Weird.

After he left i slept and slept. As i mentioned earlier, Tim has been under the weather ...so the two of us have spent a lot of time apart, unfortunately. I hope he feels better soon, i miss him terribly.

This afternoon mother had a nosebleed. Not sure what causes them every now and again, i suspect it's the oxygen tube, probably drying out her nose with the constant flow. I had just begun to make lunch for the two of us when it started so i shut it down to try to help her. It took about 45 minutes for us, pinching her nose as hard as she could stand, before it finally stopped. She got herself all uptight and in a fit state but i stayed calm and was able to talk her through it. All she could think of was what if i'd gone out shopping (as we'd talked about the night before)...and she'd been alone.

After it stopped she didn't have an appetite. We were going to have poached eggs but in the end she just had some toast and tea. I had eggs and it was yummy but it didnt stay with me long. Afterwards we both laid down for a nap, a nice long one at that.

I still have tons and i do mean TONS of Christmas shopping to do. I'm hoping to get out either get out tomorrow or Sunday. It's just getting closer and closer and won't get done on its own. I have some ideas for some gifts but the others i will just look around.

Brrrr, i'm really chilly so will close and crawl into my cold bed which i hope will warm up quickly. Hope you all have a great weekend...i'll be around to read y ou all soon!

Toothy news

Well Monday i started chemo again and so far so good. Yes i've been sick and combined with the tooth, in general, been feeling quite miserable at time...but hey, i'm still alive and kicking, right.

Tuesday i went to the dentist. Relatively uneventful appointment. After doing an xray she (the dentist) determined that my tooth is infected and she started me on a new antibiotic. She didn't want to give me anything for the pain, instead said it should start to feel better in three to four days. I am not sure i can last that long with this pain, so tomorrow i will call my doctor and see if i can get some more percocets to tide me over. I go back on December 31 at 8.30am to have a full set of xrays and to have my teeth cleaned. She said it would probably make more sense to extract the tooth rather than do a root canal and since it is at the back of my mouth, i will be able to do just fine without it. Good news to me because i've heard some real horror stories about root canals and even if i hadn't...they just don't sound like fun. Thing is, i haven't had a tooth pulled since i was a child and i cannot remember what it's like. I think it hurt but surely dentistry has come a long way since then. Either way i am looking forward to it being taken care of and looking forward to having some nice clean teeth for the new year.

Other than my chemo and my tooth, not much new happening with me. On Sunday my sister came with me and we went to get groceries. BIG mistake taking her. She has no patience for crowds and part way through shopping she starting telling me to hurry up (have i mentioned how bossy my sister is)...there were things we needed and she kept trying to talk me out of getting them. It got so frustrating i just wanted to tell her to go if she wanted to (which i'm sure she'd have taken me up on) but we were, at that point, pushing two grocery carts and so i needed her help. We got a ton of groceries because we were out of a lot of things and plus she needed a bunch of things for baking...sugar, flour, fine sugar,nuts, coconut, butter, chocolate and butterscotch chips...etc etc. She loves to bake at this time of year. Has made a few batches of shortbread already but she took those to work to give to her boss to take home, apparently she just loves it and i must admit it is quite yummy.

Wednesday my friend Rich is coming over. We are going grocery shopping to pick up some things for dinner and for a cabbage casserole that i am going to make on the weekend. When we get back he'll be doing some work on my computer, as well as readying my other computer so i can send it to Tim. He'll also be checking on the new tv. For some reason i don't think i have it hooked up correctly because i can't switch over to the dvd or digital cable. Hopefully he'll solve those matters and then we can watch a movie. It's his day off from work so i appreciate him coming over.

Tim and i just playing...yep, you got it...Monopoly. I won the last game, hooray for me...i enjoy my wins when they happen...so few and far between. He has gone to bed and i'm having a wave of nauseousness right now so i think i'll close and go to bed.

Are you all ready for Christmas yet?

Monopolizing our time...

Gosh, i woke just a little while ago and ouch, the percocets have worn off. Then again i think i only took one before going to bed (in the wee hours of the morning) so maybe that's why it hurts so bad right now.

I really do need to go for groceries though. We're running out of things and we need meats and things for dinners. Feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment with all of the shopping that still needs to be done and not looking forward to Tuesdays dentist appointment...but really trying to just hang in there and deal with it.

I don't know if i've mentioned here but our latest game playing craze is Monopoly....it's like we've forgotten all of the other games we enjoyed and we are addicted. Well i can't speak for Tim but i certainly am. I have always loved playing Monopoly...but no one else in my family ever enjoyed it....so the year i was given it for CHristmas, i think someone played with me...but thereafter it mostly sat on a shelf, until i was older and discovered friends who also enjoyed it. Two of my favourite games are Monopoly and Trivial Pursuit. Both games can last for hours and i love that...the getting together with family or friends or both...to sit around a table and play and enjoy each other's company....so now i get to spend my time with Tim, playing it online (how cool is that) and enjoying his company. Problem is (or maybe it isn't such a problem...no wait, it is!)...he wins like 90% of the time, if not more. He makes all the good deals with the robots we play with...and just beats the pants off of me...i don't know, maybe he just has more of a business acumen and i do not....whatever it is, he's good at this too, much to my chagrin.

Luckily though, i just love spending time with him, playing one of my favourite games...how can it not be fun.

Dental woes

So i was foolish. My tooth started feeling 'better' last week and in a last ditch effort of avoidance, i didn't call the dentist. Wednesday i was in excruciating pain and i finally called the dentist. It's a new dentist to me, it will be my first visit...but they are short one dentist right now so the soonest i could get in is Tuesday at 2.30. My own darn fault, i'll have to wait. She did say she'd put me on the short list to get called in Thursday if they had a cancellation, so i woke early that day and washed my hair and had myself mentally ready to go. They didn't call...but midday i finally called my family doctor to ask for something for the pain. They sent me out some percocets, which didn't arrive until almost 7pm...but as soon as they did i took two. They are helping me get by. They don't totally alleviate the pain but it dulls it. Maybe after i have some more in my system it will work better. I can only hope.

Lesson learned though....don't ignore dental problems.

Otherwise, we are slowly getting ready for Christmas. My sister has begun the baking aspect. We have started a list of things i need to get at the grocery store. We'll be having some family over on Christmas eve and food will be served, so we've been planning on things to have. So far we've decided on cheeses and kielbassa with crackers and pickles, sweet and sour meatballs, a fruit platter and various baked goods. We are trying not to go overboard with food because we don't have a huge fridge so storage is an issue, especially considering we'll have food in for the big dinner on Christmas day. It should be fun, i am really looking forward to it.

Still have all my Christmas shopping to do for mother. I don't mind doing it last minute, it sort of gets me in the Christmas spirit being in the hustle and bustle of the stores. I hope to get it going this weekend, assuming i'm well enough with this darned tooth.

On Monday my sister came home from work and went to turn on the tv in the living room and found out the tv died. At first we thought it was the remote, so i changed the batteries. Nope...wasn't that because i then thought to try turning it on by the button on the front of the tv. That didn't work either. Sheesh. We can't do without a tv in the living room, especially since my sister sleeps there, it is technically her bedroom...so off we went to Sears and in less than an hour she'd bought a new 32inch LCD tv. It was a dream for us to get it home, they are light as feathers practically. It was a real pain to carry the old one down to the garbage room in our building, those older tvs are so heavy and cumbersome but we did it, my sister and i (while my nephew lay in his comfy bed, watching tv...grrrr!) It is a great tv and cost her less than $600...so she was pleased.

Well i'll close this post and run around to all your blogs before i head to bed. It's the wee hours of the morning but i don't think i can sleep ....yet.