Another Sunday late night and here i am posting. Nothing new to report, i've been doing relatively well...the usual headaches and the constant tiredness is with me but i am getting through each day just fine.
The latest thing around here is my sisters Sues obsession with buying a new electric fireplace for our living room. She is having trouble coming up with ways to finance the idea and has sort of put it on me to come up with a way. Problem is i feel, as a people-pleasing person, that i want to help...but i really can't...i'm really struggling myself for various reasons. Usually when she gets this way, i do manage to find a way to help her but after being burned one too many times, i'm trying to just stay out of it.
My sister Linda is in bad health. She is a nurse but can no longer work as one because she has several health issues preventing that. One of which is her high blood pressure. She is about 12 years older than i am and has smoked all of her life. Though she has been cautioned by her doctor to quit, she is finding it very hard to. I understand. Not that i've ever been a smoker but i can certainly appreciate how difficult it would be...but the thing is she has had several strokes now and i am worried about her. Her latest stroke was last weekend and she just got out of hospital. I will continue to pray for her to get well and find the strength to give up the smoking.
Mother has been unwell the last little while. The problem is, she wont let me make a doctors appointment to take her in to have her seen. She just tells me she can't make it there, she is too weak, etc. Well these days doctors don't do home visits, or at least ours doesn't and so she feels she is going to end up in hospital again. Maybe she will, i don't know. I really think she needs to go into long-term care. I feel like i am just not capable to meet her medical needs. If she was in care, she'd have access to the medical care it seems she needs. She talks about it but she is struggling with it. She has asked me what i think and i've told her i do think it'd be for the best. When she is cranky or mad at me she tells me i don't do a very good job of caring for her. I remind her of that when she asks my thoughts. I love her even though she makes it very difficult but i do think it's time. I am tired and i really believe i need to focus on my health and my future. Does that sound awful. Reading it, it sounds it to me...but i want to get well and get on with my life, my future with Tim and i cannot do that as long as i am responsible for my mother.
When i see my doctor on Wednesday, i intend on talking to him about it. See what our options are and hopefully, with mothers blessing, get the ball rolling.
Speaking of Wednesday, i am nervous...i just want it to come so i get the results...at one point it seemed so far away. I dreaded having to wait and now the day is practically upon me and i'm not ready. I'm trying to remember to think positive but my negative tendencies take over sometimes and i think the worst. Once we have the results, we'll know where to go next...i'll see my neuro-oncologist and go from there.
So til Wednesday i'll just be hanging on....and now i'll pop by your blogs to see what's going on with you.
Dear Big Kid,
1 week ago